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More Funny Lists
Best Excuses if You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk
*"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
*"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
*"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
*"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
*"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people !"
*"I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
*"Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.
"I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
"Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
"The coffee machine is broke...."
"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
"Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
"Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
"Wasn't sleeping. I Was trying to pick up my contact lenses without hands."
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Actual Warning Labels
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase nesessary.Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dove soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.(But it's *just* a suggestion!)
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. (But what if I want to shower with my dog?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on box bottom): Do not turnupside down. (Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.(But wouldn't that save more time?) (And whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operatemachinery.(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction if we just keptthose 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.(Or pets! What's for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdooruse only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.(Hmm, now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.(Ya' don't say?)(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet,eat nuts. (have lobotomy)
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
On a tube of Smackerz lip gloss: Do not use on chapped lips.
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